Marriage Expectations

Marriage Expectations

Ephesians 5: ²¹ Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ.

 

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For a husband has authority over his wife just as Christ has authority over the church; and Christ is himself the Savior of the church, his body. ²⁴ And so wives must submit themselves completely to their husbands just as the church submits itself to Christ.

 

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. ²⁶ He did this to dedicate the church to God by his word, after making it clean by washing it in water, ²⁷ in order to present the church to himself in all its beauty—pure and faultless, without spot or wrinkle or any other imperfection. ²⁸ Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. (²⁹ None of us ever hate our own bodies. Instead, we feed them, and take care of them, just as Christ does the church; ³⁰ for we are members of his body.) ³¹ As the scripture says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one.” ³² There is a deep secret truth revealed in this scripture, which I understand as applying to Christ and the church. ³³ But it also applies to you: every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband.

 

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Seeing my beautiful bride walk down the aisle brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. I was finally married to someone until death do us part. I never expected any arguments, disagreements or opposite opinions, but they happened.

 

• I wondered how I could fix things under “my” energy.
• I questioned “my” every move and action.
• I felt lost and needed direction.

 

Paul addressed an issue brought to him, namely marriage. Knowing that marriage had the curse of inequity mentioned in Genesis, he mentions the only cure for balance and that is JESUS.

 

My Observations

• JESUS wants me to love my wife as HE loved me.
• JESUS wants me to leave my parents and have my own family.
• JESUS wants me to dedicate my family to GOD by HIS word, making all clean and presented without a spot or wrinkle or any other imperfection.

 

Hatred cannot exist in GOD’s marriage. I mean, the yearning for self-protection must be reduced beneath that of loving like JESUS does. Unfortunately this is not easy. Different styles, experiences and choices makes unity sometimes seem evasive. BUT GOD has a remedy.

 

HE gave HIS only SON as an example of true submission. JESUS never got caught up in the world’s tactics and showed what pure love looks like. HE, being GOD, suffered insults, never owned anything and was murdered by HIS own creation. HE said “FATHER forgive them” out of love. I am grateful for my wife and the example JESUS shows us and pray for continued growth in HIS love.

 

Challenge

• What do you notice about this passage?
• How do you think GOD brings couples into balance and back into full equality?
• If married, will you seek JESUS ways as the solution to true balance, peace and love today?

Women Leaders Needed

Women Leaders Needed

1 Corinthians 14: ³³ because God does not want us to be in disorder but in harmony and peace.

As in all the churches of God's people, ³⁴ the women should keep quiet in the meetings. They are not allowed to speak; as the Jewish Law says, they must not be in charge. ³⁵ If they want to find out about something, they should ask their husbands at home. It is a disgraceful thing for a woman to speak in a church meeting.

 

³⁶ Or could it be that the word of God came from you? Or are you the only ones to whom it came? ³⁷ If anyone supposes he is God's messenger or has a spiritual gift, he must realize that what I am writing to you is the Lord's command. ³⁸ But if he does not pay attention to this, pay no attention to him.

 

³⁹ So then, my friends, set your heart on proclaiming God's message, but do not forbid the speaking in strange tongues. ⁴⁰ Everything must be done in a proper and orderly way.

 

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Ugh! Another tough message from Paul! When I first glanced at the message I dreaded the thought of addressing the statement because I was taking it out of context. I mean, I can only imagine my wife dreading hearing any words that would place her in an unheard state. We are working through hearing each other to this day, as all marriages should. But Paul raises a doozie!

 

• At first glance it looks like women are not valued.
• At first glance it looks like women can never say a word.
• At first glance it looks like women would cause disgrace.

 

My Observations

Again, I have to return to the curse of GOD when Adam took down all humans in Genesis 3. GOD made a hierarchy that showed sin caused disharmony between HIM and HIS creation. GOD also added pain and struggle in this curse. Nothing exciting happens in a curse. But what does the curse have to do with women speaking in church gatherings?

 

I wish I had the letter or letters written to Paul. I mean, Paul’s reference seems to be focused on married women, not all women. He seemed to be addressing an issue written to him versus bashing women. I don’t know is my answer. Here is what I believe.

 

• I believe GOD made man and woman to live in harmony.
• I believe GOD wants man and woman to have peace.
• I believe GOD wants HIS message proclaimed by every human, man and woman.

 

In this chapter, being heard “is” the problem. Not everyone can rush the stage with a message and not everyone can speak in strange tongues without full understanding. All must have the desire to spread GOD’s message of love and sometimes be silent and use restraint as the example.

 

Women leaders are needed more and more as men have not brought the harmony and peace GOD is seeking. Women who can proclaim GOD’s message while bringing in harmony and peace are desperately needed these days. Both my grandmothers and my mother, mother-in-law, wife, sister, sisters-in-law, aunts, cousins and daughter have been and should be icons of harmony and peace pertaining to proclaiming GOD’s message. I have learned a lot from them as do many.

 

Challenge

• What are your observations about harmony and peace in this chapter, not just the passage?
• What do you think about women speaking and leading in the gathering of people?
• What suggestions do you have for seeking the “harmony and peace” GOD is looking for?

Titles May Mean Trouble

Esther 1: ¹⁰ On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirits from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him—Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Karkas— ¹¹ to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. ¹² But when the attendants delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king became furious and burned with anger.

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After years of scratching and clawing my way up, I had finally reached the top! I could finally make some decisions and get things done. I called a meeting of my entire staff so I could meet everyone and give them my high level plan.

One of my employees refused to come to the meeting. I brushed this absence off until she refused to come to my next gathering. I then wanted to get rid of her. I approached her and asked, about the absences. Turns out she was the only one who was supporting a large number of systems and my meetings conflicted with her support.

• Sometimes titles give me an ego.
• Sometimes titles blind me to what’s going on.
• Sometimes titles make me believe I am important.

It seems like titles have made me think people should react to me in a special way. Titles like VP, Senior Director, Manager, Husband or even Dad commanded some level of respect and I craved it. BUT GOD wants me to see something different.

• GOD is the most high so I should look to HIM for my power
• GOD is the being I get my power from and titles are meaningless.
• GOD became a human, giving up HIS title of GOD just to die for me and is now raised up above all with the highest title.

Titles seem to ruin my humility. I do not mean I should not have a title or become a pushover when I have one, rather I should accept whatever title I have as a gift from GOD and treat it with the humility HE has bestowed on me.

• Do you demand respect and are not getting it?
• Are you frustrated with the people who are supposed to be following you?
• Can you point your life to GOD instead of yourself?
• Can you humble yourself before the only being who deserves a title, namely JESUS?

Marriage is definitely worth the sacrifice!

1 Peter 1: ¹ Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ² when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

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⁷ Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

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Competitive is an understatement when it comes to my drive and determination. There are times when competition is good and there are times when it is bad. Marriage is definitely not a good place for competition.

In my struggle to either be heard, respected, wanted or just plain old selfish, I have argued, blamed and gotten angry at the gift GOD gave me namely my wife.

• GOD’s words of submission are hard to swallow especially when the person is hard to submit to.
• GOD’s words of inner beauty can be difficult especially when the world says lust is the right way to live.
• GOD’s words of respect can be tough when society says be selfish and have it “my way.”

Trust me, I’m no authority on marriage but I do realize that it takes great sacrifice to have a successful one. That’s why I believe GOD loves marriage so much.

• If I can sacrifice in marriage then I can submit to GOD’s ways.
• If I can sacrifice in marriage then I can understand my sinful relationship with GOD.
• If I can sacrifice in marriage then I can get a small glimpse of the sacrifice JESUS made for me.

JESUS says HE is the groom and HIS humans are is bride. The more I can learn HIS grace, humility and generosity the better my marriage will be.

• Are you stuck on getting things “your way?”
• Can you assess yourself to see if you are the slightest bit selfish?
• Are you busy talking or are you ready to listen and ask questions?
• Will you add grace, mercy and humility to your relationships today?